Four Weddings and an Inside Scoop

If you know me, it probably isn’t a surprise that one of my favorite animals is the peacock. I enjoy getting all glammed up when I get the chance, with a full face of bright, fun makeup, sparkling jewelry, and somewhat bedazzled clothes. Like the ostentatious tail feathers of a male peacock, I like to be noticed.

Which is kind of weird really because I’m pretty socially awkward. When put into a large social gathering, even though I might look good, I’m likely to hide it at a table completely by myself. I’m not very good at striking up conversations with strangers, or even carrying them on for an extended time with people I know well. But I digress.

(How often do I write that? Do I digress too much? Probably. What a hack. Anyway.)

The bottom line is I have a bit of a show off streak despite being shy. I majored in musical theater for goodness sake. I like being on stage. 

It’s amazing how many people to this day ask me how I managed to get on the show. I just followed the procedure outlined on their website. A lot of luck was on my side, if you consider having your wedding on TV lucky. 

One night, while watching David Tutera’s Dream Weddings on TLC, I fantasized about what being on a wedding reality show might be like. My wedding was already planned, so Dream Weddings was out of the question, but I went onto TLC‘s website anyway to see what other reality shows I could apply for. I had actually already applied for Say Yes to the Dress, and I never got a call about that. But this time, the show “Four Weddings” caught my eye. All they required from prospective contestants was a wedding in the New York area, and I certainly had one of those. I sent them an email as the website said to do.

I’d like to say I put it out of my mind but I barely had time to. It was only a matter of days before I got a reply to my email, asking me to fill out an online application. The producers were apparently very interested in my wedding. They said it was because I was marrying a British person and would be having a lot of British guests at the wedding– “Four Weddings” is originally a British concept. I think it was more likely that my wedding had some truly nerdy touches to it. Also, I soon found out that three weddings were already cast and my wedding fit into the time span of those three. It was a no-brainer based solely on timing. 

The producers wanted me to come into the city for an interview on a Tuesday. I suggested Friday instead, but they offered me a Skype interview. (Aw. Remember Skype? In the days before the pandemic and Zoom? How cute.) The interview was quick and easy. There were a few questions about my wedding. Then I was shown some pictures of wedding dresses and cakes and asked to give my in-depth honest opinions about them. They must have wanted to make sure I would be able to critique all the components of the weddings in an interesting way. 

I received a phone call the same night that I was going to be cast on the show! If I hadn’t started telling people, I should start immediately.

The next day, I printed out the lengthy contract I had been emailed. I had to initial the bottom of each of the 20 pages. It detailed all sorts of things, like the fact that I couldn’t sue them if they made me look like a fool on television, and that I would owe them $1 million if I revealed the winner of my episode before it aired. It also included the fact that the channel was able to use my likeness “forever and in perpetuity,” a phrase I found infinitely hilarious. I envisioned colonies on Mars someday in the far future with my likeness blaring over the TV. At least I’ll be remembered for something…

The first thing I had to do involving a TV shoot was get myself into NYC and meet the crew and other girls at a restaurant called Firebird. I went in on a Monday afternoon, camera ready but hauling a bag with makeup and a second dress for a later scene. I was directed to a room where two of the three other brides were waiting. Their names were Juli and Ashanti. Juli was pulled out for a little while, and Ashanti was so sweet that I had no trouble talking to her. When they switched, Juli was a little harder to speak to (remember my social awkwardness), but we managed. 

Then the fourth bride entered the room – Tarisha. She made quite an impression  

early on. She was big and loud and in your face, with a short sweater dress and her body covered in tattoos. This was certainly going to be the personality of the bunch, larger than life, over the top, but a ton of fun.

I met the Director of our episode, a man named Zach, who took me to another room to ask if there were details about my wedding that I didn’t want the others to know. I waffled about whether or not to tell them we were entering the room under an archway of light sabers to the Star Wars main theme. Zach thought that would be fun to hold onto and that I should simply reveal that fiancé and I were giant nerds, and there would be nerdy touches throughout the night. He also said we would need to come up with euphemisms for anything Harry Potter or Star Wars related as we couldn’t get in any copyright trouble. We ended up using the word Wizard a lot, and we talked about “laser swords” since that’s not copyrighted.

When our individual interviews were done, the four of us were ushered into a dining room and sat around a table. They gave us some cookies and had us describe what we wanted to about our weddings. Ashanti revealed that she would be the only one of us getting married in a church. Juli told us she would be married at the country club at which she worked – but she swore they didn’t give her a discount on the reception. Tarisha informed us that she would actually be wearing a red wedding dress and asking all of her guests to wear either black or white to the reception. *This directly conflicted with instructions we had already been given to not wear black or white as they didn’t show up well on camera. An assistant rushed in to tell us that yes, we would be allowed to wear black dresses to Tarisha‘s wedding. I said my little bit about nerdiness. Then we each got a glass of champagne and took turns toasting the competition.

If you’ve ever seen my episode of the show this segment, which took an hour or two to film, is encapsulated in about 10 seconds. They ended up using Tarisha’s toast where she said may the best Trisha - I mean woman - win. It's a cute, funny moment.

The other brides left at the point, but the crew had me for a couple more hours. They had spent the morning with Tarisha and Juli, whose weddings were the first two to occur. You might not know that if you have seen the episode, where my wedding is depicted first. One of the secrets of the show is that the weddings do not always air in the same order they occur. For this reason, the brides were instructed not to discuss each other’s weddings at other events. If we used any kind of past tense verbs about a wedding the audience had already seen, it would look weird. It would be footage they couldn’t use. 

(My theory about my wedding being shown first is it might’ve been the one they had the most footage they wanted to include. An entire segment between two commercial breaks is taken up by my party. It’s the longest amount of air time of the weddings. I believe that is how the order of depiction is determined.)

For my intro shots, Zach and some other crew members took me to Central Park. They helped me onto giant boulders - a montage of me standing on them is in the episode. Then we walked to a bridge, where I stood and looked into the camera while its operator ran in a fast circle around me. Also included in the episode. This is why I had those extra bags of outfits with me. The crew were excessively nice and wouldn’t let me carry anything anywhere. 

Zach was infinitely easy to talk to. When we were finished with the shoot, he swiped me into the subway with his MetroCard, and rode as far as 42 Street with me. He told me how exciting the show could be and that a couple had recently won a honeymoon to Bali. That sounded pretty good! It was nice to be working with someone who was so kind and genuine.

The first of us to get married was Tarisha. On the day of the wedding, I was given a time when a limo would pick me up. What I wasn’t told was where exactly I was going. We weren’t supposed to know the location of our destination ahead of time, so it was pretty funny to me when the limo driver asked me to confirm where he was taking me. I guess it’s standard driver practice, but it was weird to say I don’t know. He asked me if I was going to a Houlihans and Hasbrook, and I had to text the assistant director to confirm.

So I was whisked off to a chain restaurant where the crew were dining in a back room - how glamorous. I was the first one there for awhile. But Zach remained easy to talk to and even recommended a brand new TV show to me - something called “New Girl.” (Jon and I faithfully watched it til the end.) 

Once Ashanti and Juli arrived, we were driven to The Greycliff in Moonachie. The wedding itself didn’t start until 8. Yikes. I am not a late night girlie.  We got body mics on and were told they were very sensitive. Even if we whispered, they would pick up what we were saying. So chatter away! We stood around for a while, but it got cold, so we were allowed to sit in a big white van. Up until that point, we hadn’t been allowed to be alone together. We always had to have a TLC babysitter to make sure none of us were conspiring any kind of strategy to fix the competition. For some reason, they trusted us on that one occasion. We were good girls and didn’t break any confidences. 

When they were finally ready for us, they took some footage of us opening a door and walking into a venue. Except it turned out that our filming door wasn’t closest to our venue and we actually went in another entrance. We filmed the walk in over and over and over… Ah. The magic of film. 

We finally made it inside and to our seats. The Greycliffe was, like many wedding venues, a place that books more than one event per evening. Since Tarisha’s affair started on the late side, we had bass thumping the floor and tinkling the chandelier from the party that was already underway in the room next door. It was distracting. 

But not as distracting as Tarisha’s wedding dress. (Tarisha, if you’re reading this, forgive me. But, to be fair, this was already talked about on national television, so I figure you won’t mind.) I had seen the dress in many bridal magazines and loved it. The problem, though, was that Tarisha was much more well endowed than any of the models pictured in its ads, and it was a strapless gown. The entire night, it looked like we might all be in for more visuals than we bargained for. I have a distinct memory of Tarisha’s mom coming over to hug her and less than subtly hiking the dress up in the back. I wondered why the store she purchased the dress from didn’t add straps; we’ll get back to this issue later. 

I don’t remember much about the food at this wedding, but I do remember that during cocktail hour, there was a castle made out of cheese. I squealed in delight when I saw it, which our director just loved. There’s footage of me pointing to it and giggling in the episode. Later, during the “confessionals” part of the night, he asked me if I would like to LIVE in a castle made of cheese. No idea what this had to do with the wedding; so glad my commentary on this wasn’t worked into the episode!

After some dancing and dessert, but before the event was over, we were whisked away to a nearby hotel. Zach told us that we’d be taken individually into a hotel room where we’d give our overall wedding score on a scale of 1-10. He wanted us to think about it like we were grading the wedding in school. As a teacher, this analogy really helped me. I was waffling between giving Tarisha a 6 or 7. If a 6 was 60%, that would be an F, and it certainly wasn’t an F wedding. (I do not think any of the other girls were quite so methodical in their thinking.) Each of us received a “wedding journal” where we were asked to jot down any reactions we had. When it was our turn to be filmed, Zach would use what we wrote to ask us questions. This is where the confessional narratives of the guest brides come from. 

And where I was asked about living in a cheese castle. 

I was so, so glad to get home at the end of the night. It wasn’t until around 2 am, way past my bedtime. 

The next Saturday was Juli’s wedding. Footage of our entrance to this one is HILARIOUS because I am SO MUCH SHORTER than Tarisha and Ashanti. I felt more like a midget than usual. 

For all her brazenness, Tarisha was surprisingly not a makeup wearer. She had brought some with her and asked me to do her face. We disappeared to the bathroom long enough for Erica, who was directing us that night, to send someone to look for us. Whoops. 

I asked Tarisha how she felt her wedding had gone, and she said horribly. She brought up the close-to-nip-slip dress. Apparently the store was supposed to add straps but had forgotten to. Yikes! I felt so bad for her that she felt so much had gone wrong. 

I knew almost right away that the likelihood of Juli winning was high. There were a lot of cutesy decorative details that aren’t a thing I pay a lot of attention to in my own planning. (Although I REALLY wasn’t into her coming down the aisle to Beyoncé’s “Halo.” But we’ve already established my feelings on Queen B.) The food at cocktail hour was delicious, although we did have a hard time finding a place to enjoy it. There was a lot of movement to try new hor’s d'oeuvres, and then more movement to find new tables or seats in which to enjoy them. 

The dancing was fun. The food was delicious, although I didn’t love that there was no choice of entree. Seriously. Everyone there got surf and turf - filet mignon and crab cake. What if that wasn’t your jam? It was an odd choice. (I packed up leftovers as I always do - and then left them in a mini fridge! I was bummed I couldn’t enjoy them for lunch later in the week.)

Later, surprise! A small section of the room was turned into a little dessert room. Tarisha and Ashanti were impressed, but I knew my wedding would be having a full Viennese hour, as big as my cocktail hour. Touché. 

Even so, the event was truly beautiful. A 9/10 from me. I went home and told my mom that I’d been to what might turn out to be the winner. 

We had the next week off, and then it was my turn. On the Thursday before the wedding, the crew came to my house to shoot some character stuff. I cringed when Zach asked me to bring out some wands and then filmed me waving one around in my backyard. Zach was also a nerd and was excited to have me on the show. He told me I brought a lot to it. I just hoped I wouldn’t look such a massive degree of weird that people thought I played D&D on the weekends (although I have done a small amount of role playing) or blew all my money on Comic-Con (although we did go for several consecutive years after our wedding AND dress up… You know what? I don’t really know what I was so worried about all those years ago. Yeesh.) 

Some family photos got moved around in our living room to make room for a lot of candles. I was interviewed about the wedding, but I kept making a crucial error. Whenever I spoke, I said “our wedding.” Zach must have stopped me 25 times to have me go back and say “my wedding.” I protested because it wasn’t exclusively mine, but it’s some kind of show policy thing. Yuck. 

A lot of people have asked me how having a TV crew at my wedding affected the day, and truthfully, it didn’t much. The crew aim to stay away from the brides on their wedding day. They understand that it’s an important, expensive day, and their aim is NOT to ruin it. We didn’t see them at all as we got ready and went for pictures. Of course we saw some cameras during the ceremony. I rushed to the guest brides during cocktail hour to say hello. But that was about it. At the end of the night, they did want a quick interview in the bridal suite. We were tired and slightly inebriated, but we still had to speak on camera. I tried my best to stay that even though our wedding went well, it was still anyone’s game, but they wouldn’t let me. They insisted that we say we were going to win, we had this, we were the best.

We had a few weeks before Ashanti‘s wedding. It was nice to have some time off. On the day, we were driven to her home church where she would be getting married. It was lovely, but it was a tiny bit cluttered near the altar. I found it hard to believe they hadn’t straightened up more before a wedding. I’m sure that’s what it always looks like and it was just another day at the church for them. I think I mentioned the clutter in my chatter, but I don’t think they harped on it. At Tarisha’s wedding, Juli had said she knew they were going to portray her as the bitch of it. Meanwhile, I was making such a conscious effort not to be a bitch, not to come off as a horrible human.

After filming our entrance less times than usual due to the cold, we sat down and waited for the ceremony. We waited and waited and waited and were perplexed as to what was taking so long. Ashanti was the most meticulous of us. She would never make her guests wait on purpose. We all knew this, and yet the crew encouraged us to continue whispering about how long it was taking her to get there. None of us were happy about it as we knew something had to be out of her control. It felt dirty and manipulative to be talking that way. I really hoped they wouldn’t include this is in the episode, but I feared they would. It’d make for dramatic television. 

Ashanti finally arrived, and everyone fell in love with her tearful father as he walked her down the aisle. I fell more into confusion when her pastor described what the unity candle represented - “the seed that will take incubation in the female.” See the actual episode to see me whispering and giggling to Juli about this. It seemed a touch graphic for a rather conservative wedding ceremony!

This was the only wedding at which the ceremony and reception were in separate places. The venue was lovely - an old, rustic house with high vaulted ceilings and beautiful beams. Ashanti’s family seemed the most genuinely warm and welcoming, inviting us onto the dance floor over and over. This was the first place I ever did the Cupid Shuffle. At one point, the song “Love and Happiness” by Al Green came on. Juli said she’d never heard it, and Tarisha about lost it. 

“You hear this song everywhere in the black community. At weddings, christenings, funerals…” She tapped Ashanti’s brother on the shoulder. “Where do you hear this song in the black community?”

“I don’t know. At funerals? When my moms cleaning the house?”

“Yes!” Tarisha cried. “When mom’s cleaning the house or doing the laundry or getting it stuck in her…”

We all about died laughing, even Zach, who was in the corner pounding on the windows as he cackled. This is the stuff they can’t air on TV.

Juli and I argued over what part of NJ we lived in. She said that living in the Lawrenceville area, she lives in Central NJ, but everyone else agreed that I live in Central NJ and she’s in south. (I now agree that she’s in central, but so am I!) Zach actually had to cut that conversation short. I guess he didn’t think it would make for thrilling viewing. Like they don’t have 5 hours to pick 5 minutes out of!

Ashanti’s new last name was Moody, and her first dance with her husband was to “Moody’s Mood For Love.” Perfect! Towards the end of the night, an announcement was made that a cupcake truck had arrived! We were able to pick up a cupcake or two each on our way out - delicious. 

Since this was the last wedding, we not only scored the wedding for overall experience, but we ranked the three weddings we had attended (not our own, obviously) 1st, 2nd, and 3rd for food, venue, and dress. We had no idea what scores were assigned for those place values, which is done on purpose so no one low balls one of the weddings. Although I’m not going to lie, I may have strategically tried to space my points out since I had a strong feeling that the winning slot was between myself and Juli. 

The finale was filmed two weeks later in mid November. Each of our husbands had to take a full day off work and wait around for a phone call to say whether or not we had won, in which case a limo would be coming to pick them up. They couldn’t wait for this call in work because no one was allowed to know the results. 

Meanwhile, we were all instructed to bring makeup, our wedding gowns, and several possible fancy-ish dresses that we hadn’t already worn on the show. A car drove us to an old mansion in Yonkers for the filming - the place was so old that it had no heat. Perfect for early winter, she said sarcastically. For the most part, we hung out together in a tiny room with a space heater. A stylist was on hand with pictures of each of us from our big days so he could recreate a crude, fast facsimile of our hair and makeup. I probably would have done a better job of my own makeup, but the shots are so fast I’m sure no one else noticed. My hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail and curled. I remember the artist telling me it was time to apply my own false lashes, only for me to tell him I hadn’t worn any on my big day. Yes, my lashes are that luscious. Mwah. 

We were taken out individually to shoot us in our wedding gowns around the beautiful grounds - these are the shots you see of us standing when our final scores are delivered. One of the directors got on her knees and dove under my gown to help me get into Uggs, a challenge under all that tulle. Super glamorous. We also got shots of the four of us together in our gowns. 

I brought a suitcase full of dresses with me, and the production team had final say. They picked this tight blue halter top dress - that unfortunately shows panty lines. So they dictated that I go commando. In the freezing weather. I can’t make this up. 

There was another shot of us popping a champagne bottle open together. Tarisha volunteered to do the cork - and definitely hit a camera guy in the junk. 

When you watch the scene of the four of us on the balcony waiting for the limo to arrive, I’m bouncing up and down a bit and I say, “I’m going to cry.” It isn’t from nerves - it’s because I was THAT cold. 

Finally, the big moment arrived. The limo pulled up, and just like on screen, the first thing we could see was a sock and a foot. And then Nick, Juli’s husband, stood up. I was disappointed, but I knew she’d had a fabulous wedding. Juli opened the card that told them where the honeymoon destination would be and said, “Whoah,” before she could get any other words out. That was because she wasn’t sure of how to pronounce the country they won a trip to. It was Uruguay. She said it right but as soon as we cut, she asked about pronunciation. 

Then there was a second take. Seriously. We had to pretend we didn’t know who won and watch the limo come around the corner again. Incidentally , they went with the first take and the whoah. Not a surprise, really. 

There was a quick interview after the winner was revealed. I remained diplomatic about it. And then I was whisked home and the whole exciting thing was over. 

Almost. 

Because we still had a few months until the episode aired. I was asked by a lot of close friends in that time whether or not I had won. Other than telling my parents the results, I took my contract with TLC very seriously and told everyone they would have to watch the episode to find out. I did accidentally slip one day while in the car with my friend Lalie. I was giving her some kind of rundown of things I had been doing recently, going on job interviews, going to the gym, filming the finale for Four Weddings, which we had lost… The second it slipped out of my mouth, I clapped my hands over my lips. It had leaked out so easily it was amazing. She laughed and promised not to say anything, and she clearly didn’t. Whoops!

We finally got an air date in February for our episode. It was slightly terrifying, having no idea how you were about to be portrayed in front of however many viewers the show has. I knew I wouldn’t come off as bitchy as I had made such a concerted effort of this throughout. But I was worried about coming off as the next level, embarrassing nerd, depending on how things were edited. I vowed to stay off social media that night for fear of massive amounts of judgment. But we threw a little watch party at my parent’s house and a bunch of close friends showed up to watch the episode together. 

As the night wore on, it was a lot of fun to give them a live feed of what had actually happened during the course of the weddings. They were privy to the secrets and tidbits I’ve now imparted here. 

Overall, I was happy with how the episode was edited. I will be eternally grateful that they took out our gossip about Ashanti being late to her own wedding. As it turned out, the florist delivered her flowers late, which held everything up. Being the consummate host, she was mortified by the entire thing. I thought for sure that would make it the episode, and I think we are all glad that they didn’t hone in on that.

My wedding venue, the Primavera Regency, was not thrilled with how it came off. Tarisha criticized the food, saying it needed more salt, but I thought the food there was absolutely perfect. It was one of the main reasons we chose that venue. The brides complained that the sunset during the ceremony made it too dark to see and that the dance floor was too small during the Hora. (One of my favorite moments of the entire episode is when Juli said, “After a while, I was tired of whoring!” I know what she meant, but it doesn’t stop it from sounding hilarious every time.) They didn’t show my live musicians OR my massive Viennese hour! As I said at the beginning, I did get the longest segment, but even at that, things had to get cut, and the editors knew I didn’t win. Why not make things look a tiny bit worse than they were?

But none of us was particularly mean to anyone else, which was a relief. I’ve seen episodes of the show where some of the brides are petty and pick everything apart. The crew had commented that we got along better than most brides they filmed, and I was glad that that came through. It was nice to come in second and have won the best dress vote. (Although Tarisha said that given how mysterious I was, she expected something more from the dress. It’s another moment I love in the episode - totally perplexing, and you can tell from Tarisha’s glassy eyes that she’s drunk as a skunk. She probably doesn’t even know what she meant!) 

And the internet didn’t hate me! My friend Acacia kept an eye on Twitter throughout, and a lot of people thought my event looked like nerdy fun. A few were enthralled by our signature drink, which was a super last minute addition because all the other brides had them. 

When I was chosen for the show, the one thing I had worried about was having my day tainted by possibly losing the competition. Luckily, by the time the verdict came in, the wedding was weeks past, and we had had no problem enjoying ourselves. Nothing at all was ruined, I got to attend three weddings just for fun, and I had one hell of an insider experience. 

And best of all, I have excessively professional footage of my wedding!