Eulogy for a Backstreet Baby Brother

Supposedly, more humans fear speaking in front of others than dying.

I’m willing to bet, though, that this was not a fear the late Aaron Carter faced.

In August 1998, I attended my first Backstreet Boys concert, part of the All Access Tour, at Continental Airlines Arena (now the Meadowlands Arena). The arena seats 20,049 people. I was fully obsessed with the Boys at this point, and I knew that the young 10-year-old brother of then love-of-my-life Nick Carter was an opening act. I absolutely could not wait to see him. I had even purchased his adorable self titled debut album. 

And let me tell you something. As cheesy as his songs were (you can’t say they weren’t with lyrics like “Crazy little party girl/How I love her/Partying around the world/She wants to dance”), he OWNED that stage. Confidence like his is rare in most adults, let alone in prepubescent children. Images of a floppy haired blond boy running back and forth across the large stage, directing the audience one half at a time to scream either “Crazy little” or “Party girl” as an intro to the abovementioned song are the first that come to mind when I think of Aaron, despite all he would do to work against those later. He performed with a maturity that far outweighed his squeaky voice. 

My mother would go in to talk about his performance prowess for years to come. 

As Aaron aged, he got in with the Nickelodeon and Disney Channel set. I missed the details here. I was just a little old for this, but I kept a side eye on my little Backstreet bro. He guested on shows like Lizzie McGuire and dated little starlets like Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan. He opened for other popular acts like O-Town and Britney Spears. Scored a role in Broadway’s Seussical the Musical. Even beat Shaq, according to one of his songs. 

Yes, Aaron faced more than a moderate amount of success. In fact, in 2013, I went on my second Backstreet Boys cruise (which is exactly what it sounds like - a boat full of women in their 20s-40s chasing after married celebrities of their formative years) and roomed with a woman who was a huge Aaron fan. She and her friends regularly went to concerts, saw him multiple times in The Fantasticks, another role he snagged on Broadway, and attended so many meet and greets that he knew them by nicknames he had created for each of them. 

So of course I went to see Aaron with her when I was invited. It’s the only time I’ve ever been to the legendary NJ venue, The Stone Pony, famous for being home to Bruce Springsteen’s earliest appearances. The concert was a good time, and Aaron was gracious when we met him. His people couldn’t get a good picture of us together on my phone, so he snatched it before we left and snapped a selfie to ensure I got something decent. 

By this time, though, my feelings on Aaron were pretty tainted. A lot of that had to do with the unfortunately trashy 2006 reality show House of Carters. The show made all members of the Carter clan appear dramatic for the sake of drama, burned out, and undignified, to say the least. A friend of mine from college was particularly shocked by Aaron’s whining in one episode that everyone in the house was having a lot of sex except him, which pissed him off. 

While Aaron was hardly the 10 year old I once saw him as anymore, it was hard for me to break from that image of him, which made his sex mad rantings that much harder to take. 

Theeennnnn there was 2019, when shit got really crazy. Namely Aaron showed up live on Instagram, brandishing a gun and ranting about wanting to kill everyone. This combined with some other remarks and threats caused concern for Nick’s then pregnant wife Lauren and prompted Nick and Aaron’s twin sister Angel to file restraining orders against him. Shortly thereafter, he also streamed footage of himself getting his face tattooed, and then took to social media platforms to insist that he was absolutely fine, in a totally normal mental place, thank you very much. 

I mean, yeah. Probably not, Aaron. 

It didn’t take any internet or reality tv research to confirm that Aaron was suffering from some mental health issues. A minor amount of Googling brings forth more details, such as his diagnosed bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. And severely fucked up family situations. And his drug taking. And just… a lot. 

Stir all of that together, and I can’t say I was surprised when my husband came into the living room and informed me of Aaron’s death on November 5. It was a sad fact that felt tragically inevitable. Like the Aaron train had been speeding in this direction for years. He was just so lost. 

Whenever I get a student who has an older sibling that I taught, I try my best not to compare them. I never even know if I want to ask how they’re doing because I don’t want to diminish their own identity. I want them to know I recognize them as their own person. 

And I don’t know if Aaron ever had that courtesy of anyone. While it’s believable that someone could be a casual BSB/Nick Carter fan and not know who Aaron was, it’s not really at all plausible that someone could have heard of Aaron and not be aware of his Backstreet brother. 

Just imagine living in that shadow. Wanting to break free of the chains of “Ain’t That Cute” and “Oh Aaron” (which is literally an Aaron Carter song about having a brother in the Backstreet Boys) and NEVER being able to. So much of his life was seen through the innocent little brother lense that it’s not much of a wonder he railed so hard against it. 

This isn’t even to mention how royally fucked up the Carter family is. Aaron is the second of his family to die young - his sister Leslie died a decade ago of an overdose at the age of 25. Aaron accused his parents of stealing millions from him while he was young and buying mansions and cars with it. There were also allegations of emotional and sexual abuse within the family. While speculators will never know what’s true, it can be inferred that the family must have been a difficult one to grow up in. 

Aaron, oh Aaron. What are we going to do with you? 

As a massive BSB fan, when news of Aaron’s death broke, I received and sent an influx of condolence text messages. Stepping outside of myself a bit, yeah, it’s kind of weird to get condolences for someone I didn’t know at all. And yet, in some way, Aaron was my little brother. Once upon a time, I studied his family intimately and swore he would be my brother-in-law someday. And while I lost touch with my disturbingly detailed knowledge of the Carter family, they were still once a large part of my daily thoughts. They were welcomed into my mind, my room, and my heart for so long. Losing someone you have this kind of connection to, deep despite its surface levelness, is hard and painful.

I mourn the loss of Aaron Carter. I mourn for Jane and Bob Carter, who have lost two of their children so young. I mourn for BJ and Angel Carter for the loss of their siblings, particularly for Angel, as Aaron is her twin. I mourn for his young son Prince, just 11 months old, who will have no memories of his father.

And Nick. Oh, do I mourn for Nick. The famous Boy who has lost so much already. The Boy who tried to bring his family together and fix them and, ultimately in the case of Aaron at least, probably feels as if he’s failed them. (I do not blame Nick at all for this loss, but I imagine there must be a decent amount of blame he’s assigning to himself.) The Boy who went right back to work the day after losing his only brother and broke down in front of tens of thousands in London as his chosen older brothers dedicated their powerful song “Breathe” to their chosen younger brother.

If you’ve had any connection with the Boys or Aaron, I urge you to give Aaron’s “I’m All About You” a listen today and have a moment of silence for him. Be struck by the haunting lines “You’re always with me even though you’re far away” and “When I close my eyes I can see you/It’s like you’re right here.” 

You will always be with your fans, Aaron. We hope that in death you can find the peace that eluded you in life.