In April of 2006, I found myself at a gay club in London aptly titled Club G-A-Y because my friend’s friend wanted her to go with him, and she wanted support from another straight American girl. I don’t remember much other than standing in the balcony when we were told it was Eurovision night.
As Americans, that didn’t mean much to us. We saw some group of older white people singing a bubbly 80s-pop song. At one point, the two men in the quarter ripped skirts off the two women, leaving them in relatively modest leotards. The crowd lost their minds.
I later told my at-the-time-boyfriend-now-husband about this, and he was rather in awe of the fact that I saw the living legends Bucks Fizz, who had won the Eurovision Song Contest for Great Britain in 1981. (Here is their amazing video for that winning song, entitled "Making Your Mind Up.")
What, you may ask, is the Eurovision Song Contest? It is, in fact, a phenomenon that so few outside of Europe know about. And even if they do, it’s hard to know if they can truly appreciate it.
Every year, a selection of European countries host national contests for the public to choose a song that will represent them in Eurovision. Then there are two nights of preliminary Euro contests to select the top 26 or so countries that will compete in the Grand Final. On the Eurovision final night, the voted on finalists compete live. Both national judges AND the public across Europe vote, the caveat being you cannot vote for your own country.
It’s a little bit like European Idol.
I honestly don’t know why my husband, a good friend of ours, and I started watching this disastrously addicting thing annually. We started attending something called the Paraunity Expo, all about ghost hunters, and Eurovision was coincidentally on the same day every year. So it became part of the ritual- go meet ghost hunters, buy some crystals, and watch some Europeans sing. Why not.
There's something beautiful about the power of music bringing together the whole of Europe on Eurovision night. And seeing the variety of talent they bring? Oh man. Nothing compares.
The first time we watched in 2017, the highest scoring Eurovision act to this day won. And to this day, I still don’t really understand why. It’s… not great. In my humble opinion. Especially compared with some classic Eurovision winners, like:
Abba, ”Waterloo” (1974)
and, of course, Bucks Fizz, “Making Your Mind Up” (1981)
(Honorable Mention to Gina G, "Ooh Ah, Just a Little Bit," mostly because this is the one Eurovision song that was big during my 90s childhood, even though the live performance features off key vocals.)
Admittedly, I love an upbeat cheesefest when it comes to Eurovision. Most slower songs are schmaltzy and boring and lack the pizzazz that the more upbeat acts bring with them.
So in 2018, when Israel's entry, Netta, performed her in your face, feminist anthem "Toy" in all its colorful glory, I was truly blown away. And then, my knowledge of winners at that point entirely based on the 2017 snoozefest, when Netta actually WON?!
My love of Eurovision blossomed. I saw it for all its beautiful, fun loving, poptastic glory.
Of course, I once again did not love the winning song in 2019, Duncan Lawrence's "Arcade," which two years later flew across the ocean to land on our very own radio air waves. It’s… a decent enough song.
But when compared to John Lundvik’s “Too Late for Love"? (Sweden) Yeah. Doesn’t hold a candle. Seriously. That song makes me feel things.
And our love for the competition grew particularly in 2020, when, for obvious reasons, no Eurovision contest was officially held, even though countries had already decided on their entries. So my friend, my husband, and I hosted our own Eurovision finals, watching something like 40 countries' entries, and unofficially deciding that Dadi Frayer's "Think About Things" (Iceland) won, though Little Big's "Uno" (Russia) was a very, very close second. (If you're into the absurdly strange, you too can go down the deep, dark Little Big music video hole. I don't think I would listent to too much of their music sans videos, but with them, they are truly interesting works of art.
Note: 2020 would have been one helluva contest. Hubby and I now have our own Best of Eurovision playlists on our phones, because of course we do, and I want to say about half of the entire list is other acts from that year. Other favs include:
Eden Alene, “Feker Libi" (Israel)
Efendi, “Cleopatra” (Azerbaijan)
The Mamas, “Move” (Sweden) (Incidentally, these super talented ladies sang backup for John Lundvik in 2019)
Ben and Tan, “Yes” (Denmark)
Ben Dolic , “Violent Thing” (Germany)
The Roop, “On Fire” (Lithuania)
James Newman, “My Last Breath” (Great Britain)
Eurovision returned in its official capacity in 2021, and many of 2020s artists even returned to have their day in the sun, though they had to enter with new songs. Dadi Frayer STILL had my heart with “10 Years,” though Eden Alene’s “Set Me Free” (Israel) and Destiny’s “Je Me Casse” (Malta) were also pretty great. Italy ended up taking it with “Zitti E Buoni,” which no one at our watch party was totally disappointed with.
But, my friends, NOTHING could have prepared us for what was to come. Hubby and I are now the kind of Eurovision-obsessed where we eagerly follow the announcing of official entries. Countries start choosing in February, though the bulk really come in full force in March and April. Some songs we can really only stomach for 30 seconds or so, so if we watch one all the way through, we know it’s at least decent.
BUT THIS YEAR. The Eurovision song to end all Eurovision songs is upon us. I am in no way exaggerating. Norway has offered up a song sure to please anyone who’s a fan of these ridiculously camp earworms that are, in reality, quite fun. This song is the epitome of the competition. We’ve watched multiple versions of the music video, listened to it in our cars, and indoctrinated our daughter to its charm.
This song is Subwoolfer’s “Give That Wolf a Banana.”
Go ahead. Watch it. I’ll wait.
WAS THAT NOT WORTH THE HYPE???
And to make it even BETTER, NO ONE KNOWS WHO SUBWOOLFER REALLY IS! The group of three are a mystery. Their official description:
"'Subwoolfer' - The biggest band in the Galaxy, first formed 4.5 billion years ago on their home planet, the moon. Since then the brothers, 'Keith' and 'Jim' have conquered the music scene on ever planet, making them the most successful pop group ever. On 20th July 1969, a prophet named Neil oappeared to them in a stable, and was soon hailed 'the man with the strongest arms.' He promised to return, telling them he would help them become the biggest band on his planet, too, but only once they had written the greatest song in the universe, sung in his native tongue - Englihs. Neil never returned, however, and so now armed with the greatest song in existenc,e 'Give that Wolf a Banana,' they have tomce to Earth in search of him, and to claim their musical throne by performing at the most important and pretigious musical event in the history of the world - MGP Norway 2022." (YouTube)
See? They are absolutely amazing. Brilliant. Hilarious.
See if you don’t crave giving this song another listen one of these days.
There is some speculation that Subwoolfer is Norwegian comedy pop duo Ylvis, who sang “What Does the Fox Say?” While this makes sense, for the purpose of research, Hubby and I rewatched "What Does the Fox Say?" recently, and, yeah, I don't think Ylvis is Subwoolfer. The voices just aren't right. Cuz Subwoolfer can actually sing. A video of them singing the Norwegian winner from 2009, "Fairytale," just surfaced, and I'm kind of blown away. (BTW, Alexander Rybak’s original version of this winning ditty is on our best of playlist, too.)
I'm slightly more blown away by the fact that even though there are plenty of internet viewers who do appreicate the tremendousness of this song, no competition predictions put this song anywhere close to in the running for the winner.
Admittedly, a lot of Eurovision voting is political, and so Ukraine is 100% going to win this year. Rightfully so. Their song is pretty fun, too. I mean, it features epic flute playing like you’ve never heard before. (Kalush Orchestra, “Stefania”)
But the odds should have Subwoolfer right behind them, and they don’t. I seriously cannot fathom this. What else are people listening to? Are our ears that different? A lot of pills are putting Italy in the second place slot, and that’s one of those laboriously drawn out ballads that just ain’t doing it for us this year.
My little pop fan girl heart just hopes that on May 14, the night of this year’s Grand Final, the rest of the European public are as stunned by the artistic genius of Keith and Jim as I was the first time I saw them.
Random Half-Nonsequitor: Why yes, there is a Netflix movie entitled Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga, and yes, I have seen it at least three times by the time you read this. It stars and is co-written by Will Ferrell, whose wife happens to be Swedish. Ferrell has loved the event since his first viewing with family in 2000, and the movie is his love letter to the event. It’s extremely silly but a ton of fun, particularly the Song Along scene, which features 10 previous Eurovision competitors.
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